The thing about useful stuff is

Stars of adverts brainstorm for comic relief Thursday, March 12, 2009

Confess I did enjoy this first time I saw it.

Red Nose Day - 14 Stars of ads come together @ Yahoo! Video

Labels: humour

posted by John Wilson @ 7:53 PM Permanent Link ,

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Save a lifestyle Sunday, February 08, 2009

It is an inevitable parody but will still amuse many.

Labels: humour

posted by John Wilson @ 3:16 PM Permanent Link ,

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City Banker rests as hell freezes over ahead of London meltdown Monday, February 02, 2009

Brilliant effort and great photo from FT Alphaville.

Labels: humour, snow

posted by John Wilson @ 4:06 PM Permanent Link ,

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The deflating bank bubbles Thursday, January 22, 2009

FT Alphaville has published an excellent graphical representation of the decline in the market values of major banks that was created by JP Morgan analysts. Really brings home the answer to the question of how one gets to be CEO of a small bank - start as CEO of a large one and wait.

Labels: banks, humour

posted by John Wilson @ 11:43 AM Permanent Link ,

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Dilbert guide to Mortgage Backed Securities and CDOs Saturday, December 13, 2008

Labels: humour

posted by John Wilson @ 12:34 PM Permanent Link ,

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MFI - Gordon Brown considers a rescue Friday, November 28, 2008

Image via WikipediaExcellent one-liner from Rory Bremner at the Insitute of Directors Dinner this week, when he suggested that Gordon Brown, the UK Prime Minister, might be tempted to rescue MFI in case he needed a new cabinet.

Labels: Gordon Brown, humour, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, Rory Bremner

posted by John Wilson @ 10:12 AM Permanent Link ,

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Bremner, Bird & Fortune do it again Sunday, November 09, 2008

I highly recommend you watch this excellent episode of Silly Money by Bremner, Bird & Fortune. 48 mins in length but well worth watching all the way through as the team discuss recent market events.

Labels: credit crunch, humour

posted by John Wilson @ 8:42 PM Permanent Link ,

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Former Lehman staffer tells it how it is Friday, October 17, 2008

A heartbreaking story of a former master of the universe coping with life after Lehman - gotta love it.

Brilliant satire.

Hat tip to The Big Picture.

Labels: humour, lehman, Lehman Brothers

posted by John Wilson @ 7:13 PM Permanent Link ,

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Which is worse - market crash or divorce Saturday, October 11, 2008

Great quote on Paul Kedrosky's blog today

"This is market is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth, yet I still have my wife."

Labels: humour

posted by John Wilson @ 9:02 AM Permanent Link ,

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Market collapse caption time Friday, October 10, 2008

I saw the above photo on Mashable under the heading of Financial Crisis in pictures. As you'll guess, most of the pictures involvement people looking bewildered or crestfallen.

But when I saw the one above I immediately thought of the guy in the picture saying....

"Hey, who shorted my hair?"

Your turn. The prize for the best entry is 20 Dec Kaupthing Calls at a strike of £10. Closing date 17 October 2008.

Labels: humour

posted by John Wilson @ 7:17 PM Permanent Link ,

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Government steps in to avoid bankruptcy in family game of Monopoly Thursday, October 09, 2008

Image by DaylandS via FlickrNewsBiscuit and The Daily Mash are two sites you should definitely add to your daily reading. They always put a smile on my face and can be relied upon to provide some light relief.

Today, NewsBiscuit led with the excellent headline

Government steps in to avoid bankruptcy in family game of Monopoly

You can read the story here which is an inspired take on the current bank bailout.

My favourite excerpt is

the Prime Minister went on to reveal that as a condition of the loan, players would have to show more responsibility in future. ‘There will be no more of this paying yourself £200 just for passing Go. Players have to learn that there is no such thing as a Get Out Of Jail Free Card… Oh hang on what’s this?’

Labels: humour

posted by John Wilson @ 9:19 AM Permanent Link ,

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What do you really do for a job? Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Image via WikipediaBack in July 2007, Scott Adams on The Dilbert Blog ran a post I was only pointed to today on an IM conversation. It asked people to humourously sum up in a sentence what they did for a job. There are hundreds of submissions you can find here. One submission caught my eye:

I write financial derivatives pricing software. But what I really do is.......

"Provide random odds to coked up gamblers"

Dated 9th July 2007

Labels: Dilbert, humour

posted by John Wilson @ 9:41 PM Permanent Link ,

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Alternate guide to market terminology

More gallows humour circulating in the City. This time it's a guide to commonly used terms and jargon in markets.

CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.

Labels: humour, markets, Stock market

posted by John Wilson @ 9:16 PM Permanent Link ,

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Geldof launches "Bank Aid" Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Newsbiscuit continues to outperform with the spoof story that Bob Geldof has launch Bank Aid following the meltdown in the financial sector. Full story here.

They have also revealed George Bush's latest attempt at a bailout plan here.

Labels: humour

posted by John Wilson @ 6:41 PM Permanent Link ,

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Michael Lewis on the $700bn rescue of Goldman Friday, September 26, 2008

Image via WikipediaMichael Lewis, who wrote the excellent Liars Poker, is one of the better satirists on Wall Street related matters.

He has an amusing piece on the urgent need for intervention to protect the interest of Goldman Sachs, for the good on the USA. You can read it on Bloomberg here .

Here's an extract

The total collapse of the global financial system is one thing -- everyone at Davos in January saw that coming. But the shrinkage of the Goldman Sachs Group Inc. bonus pool is another. Whatever else the Treasury achieves it must know that if the employees of Goldman suffer any sort of pay cut, it will be judged to have failed. And our country may never recover.

Labels: goldman sachs, humour

posted by John Wilson @ 2:44 PM Permanent Link ,

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American Pie [re-mixed]

Thanks to Trader Daily for highlighting this excellent rewrite of Don McLean's "American Pie" that matches up nicely to our current circumstances.

Seems a long long time ago

I can still remember
How that trading used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make that market dance
And maybe I'd be happy for a while

But January made me shiver
With all that Soc Gen could deliver
Bad news on the doorstep
I couldn't take one more tick

I can't remember if I cried
When I read about Bernanke's lies
But something touched me deep inside
The day the mistress died

So buy, buy, all those NASDAQ and SPYs
Called my broker and I told her
That I needed to buy
And them good ol bears will all be sellin and cry
Singing this'll be the day that I buy
This'll be the day that I buy

Do you have those shorts you love?
And do you have more offered above?
If your broker tells you so
Do you believe in buy and hold?
Can the fed save your mortal soul?
And can you teach me how trade real slow?

Well I knew that I'd be buying them
Cause I started fading that guy Jim
I kicked off both my shoes
Man I bought those NASDAQ and Spooz

I was a leveraged bullish trading buck
And I backed up that ol pickup truck
Then I hoped I wasn't out of luck
The day the mistress died

And they were singin
Buy, buy all those NASDAQ and SPYs
Called my broker and I told her
That I needed to buy
And them good ol bears will all be sellin and cry
Singing this'll be the day that I buy
This'll be the day that I buy

Now for five years we'd been on a roll
And moss grows fat on rollin stone
But that's not how it used to be
When the jester cried out on the TV
In a shirt he borrowed from Hank Green
And they took it all from you and me

Oh, and while the market was way down
The fed bought all those on the ground
The market had been spurned
No rally was returned
And while Paulson read a book of Marx
The trade pit looked so sparse
And bulls sang dirges in the dark
The day the mistress died

Helter Skelter in a summer swelter
The bears flew off to a fallout shelter
Eight point drop and falling fast
It never stopped, I lost my ass
The traders tried for one more blast
With the jester on the sidelines in a cast

Now the Globex move was sweet perfume
While bears all played their marching tune
They'd cover in a glance
Oh but they never got the chance
Cause the buyers tried to take the field
To straighten out all those bond yields
Do you recall what was revealed
The day the mistress died?

We started singin
Buy, buy, all those NASDAQ and SPYs
Called my broker and I told her
That I needed to buy
Them good ol bears will all be sellin and cry
And singing this'll be the day that I buy
This'll be the day that I buy

Oh and there I was ALL IN one trade
My profits all were lost in space
With no cash left to buy again
So come on Hank be nimble Hank be quick
Paulson bought that one real quick
Wall Street is the devils only friend

Oh and as I read another page
My hands were clinched in fists of rage
Corruption born in hell
Can't break that Satan spell
And as the Spooz climbed high into the night
To light the sacrificial rite
I saw bulls all laughing with delight
The day the mistress died

We were singin
Buy, buy, all those NASDAQ and SPYs
Called my broker and I told her
That I needed to buy
And them good ol bears will all be sellin and cry
Singing this'll be the day that I buy
This'll be the day that I buy

I met a bear who sang the blues
And I asked him for some happy news
But he just smiled and turned away
I went down to the sacred floor
Where I'd traded all those years before
But the man there said the limits wouldn't trade

And in the streets the bulls all screamed
The bears they cried and traders dreamed
But not a trade was broken
The church canes they weren't broken
And the three men I admire most
The father, son and Holy Ghost
They bought the last trade for the close
The day the mistress died.

And they were singin
Buy, buy, all those NASDAQ and SPYs
Called my broker and I told her
That I needed to buy
And them good ol bears will all be sellin and cry
Singing this'll be the day that I buy
This'll be the day that I buy.

AMEN

Labels: humour, Wall Street

posted by John Wilson @ 9:08 AM Permanent Link ,

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A few good bond traders Wednesday, September 24, 2008

The Big Picture has published an excellent email doing the rounds on Bloomberg email. Think Jack Nicholson on the witness stand in A Few Good Men replaced by a Head of Fixed Income at an Investment Bank.

Son, we live in a world that has bonds and those bonds need to be bought by men with balance sheets. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lieutenant Fuld?

I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Bear Sterns and curse the short sellers; you have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Lehman's death, while tragic, probably saved firms and that my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves markets.

You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties you want me buying bonds, you need me buying bonds. We use words like TSLF, PDLF, Super SIV. We use them as the backbone of a life trying to defend something. You use them as a punchline.

I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said "thank you," and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest that you pick a sub-prime option arm bond and pay par.

Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to.

Labels: bear stearns, Hank Paulson, humour, lehman, Lehman Brothers

posted by John Wilson @ 11:25 PM Permanent Link ,

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Prelude to Lehman guys getting screwed caught on camera? Tuesday, September 16, 2008

This CNN video clip outside of Lehman offices is quite funny.

Presenter in the studio tries to hide their embarrassment by saying "two guys, obviously, just trying to make light of a bad situation, pretending to console each other."

Labels: CNN, humour, lehman, Lehman Brothers

posted by John Wilson @ 9:59 AM Permanent Link ,

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Picking a saucy brand name has its risks Tuesday, April 22, 2008

If you ever been involved in starting a company or even a project, you'll know the fun (and effort) that can be had from choosing a brand name.

Inevitably, when you come to check if the domain name is available, most of the ones you first dream up have already been snapped up by domain trolls. Consequently, one alternate is to start misspelling the word [big favourite amongst web companies ala Flickr etc] but of course this presents the challenge of communicating the correct spelling to your market.

I've often found that many of the ideas suggested when brainstorming often have humorous slant, or perhaps it's the company I keep. However, these names can be a double edged sword and so easily impair perceptions of your company if adopted. Hey, if I can be poorly perceived for holding a beer in my blog photo [comment received today - "Your face isn't the problem, but I guess that the photo that you have chosen as your public persona, (given you tend talk about venture capital rather than your personal life) might benefit from a rethink. To us over stateside, it kinda says, hey, beer is the most important thing to me."] then........

So I had to do a double-take when I read about a company on Springwise, called "Blow Me", which opened its review with:

Event organizers can hire Blow Me to attend any party or other happening where alcohol will be served.

they went onto say

With the same equipment used by police forces throughout the UK, Blow Me's trained team conducts unlimited alcohol breath tests for event guests in a non-threatening and professional manner.

For reasons that I am sure will be obvious, I can imagine our US compatriots taking offence to the brand name.

To paraphrase an old UK Govt campaign - "Think before you drink; before you drive; before you blow"

Labels: branding, humour

posted by John Wilson @ 1:38 PM Permanent Link ,

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Q:Who ate all the pies A; Prescott, but then was sick Monday, April 21, 2008

Image via WikipediaYou just know that the political and current affairs comedy writers are going to have a field day with the news that John Prescott, ex Deputy PM in the UK, had an eating disorder. Admitting to gorging on MacDonalds after Government Banquets and then making himself sick, he acknowledged it hadn't resulted in him having a slim figure.

Daftest press question asked on the matter was whether Tony Blair was aware he had left someone with an eating disorder in charge of the country! Obviously they were citing the concern that someone couldn't launch nuclear missiles or greet George Clooney if they were in the loo vomiting.

My own contribution to the topic is "when asked why he ate so much, Prescott replied he had a lot on his plate".

Actually, that's a line the boxer Ricky Hatton used in a press conference, but apt anyway.

Labels: humour, John Prescott, tony blair

posted by John Wilson @ 6:11 PM Permanent Link ,

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