The thing about useful stuff is

Seems a long long time ago

I can still remember
How that trading used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make that market dance
And maybe I'd be happy for a while

But January made me shiver
With all that Soc Gen could deliver
Bad news on the doorstep
I couldn't take one more tick

I can't remember if I cried
When I read about Bernanke's lies
But something touched me deep inside
The day the mistress died

So buy, buy, all those NASDAQ and SPYs
Called my broker and I told her
That I needed to buy
And them good ol bears will all be sellin and cry
Singing this'll be the day that I buy
This'll be the day that I buy

Do you have those shorts you love?
And do you have more offered above?
If your broker tells you so
Do you believe in buy and hold?
Can the fed save your mortal soul?
And can you teach me how trade real slow?

Well I knew that I'd be buying them
Cause I started fading that guy Jim
I kicked off both my shoes
Man I bought those NASDAQ and Spooz

I was a leveraged bullish trading buck
And I backed up that ol pickup truck
Then I hoped I wasn't out of luck
The day the mistress died

And they were singin
Buy, buy all those NASDAQ and SPYs
Called my broker and I told her
That I needed to buy
And them good ol bears will all be sellin and cry
Singing this'll be the day that I buy
This'll be the day that I buy

Now for five years we'd been on a roll
And moss grows fat on rollin stone
But that's not how it used to be
When the jester cried out on the TV
In a shirt he borrowed from Hank Green
And they took it all from you and me

Oh, and while the market was way down
The fed bought all those on the ground
The market had been spurned
No rally was returned
And while Paulson read a book of Marx
The trade pit looked so sparse
And bulls sang dirges in the dark
The day the mistress died

And they were singin
Buy, buy all those NASDAQ and SPYs
Called my broker and I told her
That I needed to buy
And them good ol bears will all be sellin and cry
Singing this'll be the day that I buy
This'll be the day that I buy

Helter Skelter in a summer swelter
The bears flew off to a fallout shelter
Eight point drop and falling fast
It never stopped, I lost my ass
The traders tried for one more blast
With the jester on the sidelines in a cast

Now the Globex move was sweet perfume
While bears all played their marching tune
They'd cover in a glance
Oh but they never got the chance
Cause the buyers tried to take the field
To straighten out all those bond yields
Do you recall what was revealed
The day the mistress died?

We started singin
Buy, buy, all those NASDAQ and SPYs
Called my broker and I told her
That I needed to buy
Them good ol bears will all be sellin and cry
And singing this'll be the day that I buy
This'll be the day that I buy

Oh and there I was ALL IN one trade
My profits all were lost in space
With no cash left to buy again
So come on Hank be nimble Hank be quick
Paulson bought that one real quick
Wall Street is the devils only friend

Oh and as I read another page
My hands were clinched in fists of rage
Corruption born in hell
Can't break that Satan spell
And as the Spooz climbed high into the night
To light the sacrificial rite
I saw bulls all laughing with delight
The day the mistress died

We were singin
Buy, buy, all those NASDAQ and SPYs
Called my broker and I told her
That I needed to buy
And them good ol bears will all be sellin and cry
Singing this'll be the day that I buy
This'll be the day that I buy

I met a bear who sang the blues
And I asked him for some happy news
But he just smiled and turned away
I went down to the sacred floor
Where I'd traded all those years before
But the man there said the limits wouldn't trade

And in the streets the bulls all screamed
The bears they cried and traders dreamed
But not a trade was broken
The church canes they weren't broken
And the three men I admire most
The father, son and Holy Ghost
They bought the last trade for the close
The day the mistress died.

And they were singin
Buy, buy, all those NASDAQ and SPYs
Called my broker and I told her
That I needed to buy
And them good ol bears will all be sellin and cry
Singing this'll be the day that I buy
This'll be the day that I buy.